In self defense

To defend myself from recent accusations, I will be employing the Chewbacca defense with material developed under the Infinite Monkey Theorem. A straw man will be set up and put on a bandwagon pulled by tigers. However, if this fails, I will fall back to a Reductio ad Hitlerum defense and invoke Godwin's law. Hofstadtler's law will be used to determine how long this defense will take.