Monday, October 16, 2006

THE definitive list of "You Might Be a Redneck Jedi if..." jokes

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If…

A peaceful meditation is one without gas.
A Wookie has told you that you need to shave.
Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
At least one wing of your X-Wing is Bondo colored.
In your opinion, that Darth Vader fellow ""jest ain't right.”
More than half the droids you own don't function.
Sandpeople back down from your mama.
That "Disturbance in the Force" was just last night's baked beans and spare ribs.
The Force isn't the only thing that Runs in your family.
The moonshine still you built on Endor is hidden so well even the Ewoks can't find it.
The number of blasters you own exceeds your I.Q.
The Rancor monster refused to eat you.
The REAL reason you got into a fight in the cantina was because you ordered Bud Light...and they didn't have it.
The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dad gum skeeters.
There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.
There's more oil in your hair than in your astromech droid.
When addressing your Jedi Council you use "Bubba" for more than half of the members.
Wookies are offended by your B.O.
You built an outhouse over the Sarlaac pit.
You can down a case of Genny and STILL levitate that X-Wing
You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok...without using the word "chicken".
You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.
You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE force.
You consider your lightsaber the ultimate bug zapper.
You discover that your greatest enemy is, in fact, your father, who also happens to be your brother...
You don't like wearing a Jedi robe because it prevents access to the dip stored in your back pocket.
You don't think Jabba's pig guards have a hygiene problem.
You don't think the Ewoks are primitive.
You ever fantasized about Princess Leia wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
You ever lost a hand during a light saber fight because you had to spit.
You have a big #3 on the side of your X-Wing fighter.
You have a CB radio in your X-Wing.
You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land speeder or your flight helmet.
You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
You have a stuffed womp rat over your fireplace.
You have bantha horns on the front of your land speeder.
You have ever beaten up Han Solo for looking at your sister.You have ever referred to the Empire as "them damn Yankees”.
You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.
You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
You have ever used the force to get yourself another Bud Light so you didn't miss a NASCAR interview with any of the Allisons.
You have ever used your lightsaber to open a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill, Bud Light, or Jack Daniels.
You have ever wrecked a landspeeder while lighting a cigarette with your lightsaber.
You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
You have three Landspeeders in front yard that are up on blocks...
You hear: "Luke, I am your father ... and your uncle."
You knew Princess Leia was your sister all along.
You refer to Yoda as your “Li'l Green Buddy”.
You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a redwood deck and a Lazy-Boy recliner.
You think an AT-AT looks like a giant cow.
You think Han Solo would look better in a flannel ‘cause he looks like a little sissy in that vest.
You think that Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets
You think the symbol for the Rebel Alliance should be the Confederate flag.
You use your Jedi healing powers to clear up your V.D.
You use your lightsaber to light the barbecue grill, clean fish, or pick your teeth.
You use your R-2 unit's self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
You used a carbon-freezing chamber to store the 78 Wampas you shot while on vacation on Hoth.
You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels in the cantina scene.
You wonder why Luke and Leia gave up on getting married.
Your beer belly puts Jabba's to shame.
Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."
Your Father's name is Garth Vader.
Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.
Your master ever said "My finger you will pull...hmmm?"
Your moonshine is really made on the moon.
Your Princess Amidala doesn't have to use lipstick to look like she has a lip canker.
Your Rebel Base was manufactured by Trasco Mobile Homes.
Your Reverend carries a light saber in his boot in case of emergencies.
Your wife has to ask you to get the Hyperdrive motivator out of the bathtub.
You're flying a ship that has no original parts.
You've asked an Ewok to help you go Coon hunting.
You've ever argued with a Jawa over scavenging rights to a broken droid.
You've ever given someone a wedgie by using the Force.
You've ever said, "May the force be with y'all."
You've ever strangled someone with the force because they laughed at your accent.
You've ever used Jedi mind control to talk your way out of a speeding ticket or DUI.
You’ve got fuzzy dice hanging in the cockpit of your X-Wing.
You’ve told Stormtroopers, “These are not the beers you are looking for.”

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