Thursday, September 28, 2006

A survey of farm trucks

Here is a brief overview of some of the farm pickup trucks found here in The South of Iowa:
  1. The Beater - Rusty, dented, and loud, this truck is used extensively off road to chase cattle, except for the occasional trip to the coop for baler twine or barb wire. The Beater will often be modified with a bale stabber on the back, a grill guard, and sometimes, weeds growing up in the bed. An example would be a 1976 Ford F250 4x4 with unknown miles (odometer stopped at 65,534 in 1983).
  2. The Cowboy Wannabe Rig - Later model 1 ton dually with lots of chrome. Preferably a Dodge with a Cummins engine. Usually hitched to a cattle or horse trailer. Sometimes has a semen cooler in the box.
  3. The Slow Old Man Truck - Later model 2wd Chevrolet 1/2 ton. 6 cylinder, automatic transmission. Bed topper is a must, as are running boards. Cannot exceed 45 mph. Handicap hanger on rear view mirror seen often.
  4. The Big Time Operator (BTO) Truck - Similar to the Cowboy Wannabe Rig, but will be 4wd, crew cab (to haul his workers around), and leather seats. Often seen parked in front of the bank, never in the field.
  5. The Young Buck Truck - Jacked up late model Ford F150 4x4 (they're cheaper, you know), straight pipes out the back, window stickers of Calvin peeing on Chevys, Dodges, or Case IH, or "Orange County Choppers". Extra points for chrome "foxy lady" mudflaps.
  6. The Hurried Farmer Truck - Late model Dodge 1 ton 4x4 with a flatbed on the back, automated cattle feeder behind the cab, notes and booklets on the dash, and the front license plate on upside down.

Like most stereotypes, these are based somewhat on reality. I could probably give you real life examples of all of these trucks.

Any other ideas?


Anonymous Bill M said...

Don't forget the FARMER'S WIFE SUV. Usually an Expedition or Tahoe with muddy wheel wells and a girls volleyball or softball sticker in the back window. Often seen racing down gravel roads at high speeds or stationary outside school gyms with 1 or 2 little boys bouncing off the windows inside.

7:58 AM, September 30, 2006  
Blogger IrishWalsh said...

I can't stand the dualies and jacked up trucks that absolutely MUST accelerate as fast as possible and drive 15 over. I don't know why, that just rubs me the wrong way. I just imagine a rushing rapids of gasoline flowing into their cylinder heads when they do it, which is fine if there is a reason for it.

4:34 PM, October 01, 2006  
Blogger Jordan said...

I also have a truck pet peeve:

Thousand pounds of after market plastic and fiberglass add-ons...

-bug shield
-visor over windshield
-wind guard over door windows
-cover over back window to shield light
-Wheel well extenders
-Headlight/tail light covers
-spinning boat propeller in the trailer hitch
-running boards
-mud flaps
-something hanging from the rearview mirror

7:38 AM, October 02, 2006  
Blogger bgunzy said...

You might be a redneck if the kids are going hungry tonight because you had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps!

I can't say anything bad about bug shields...I'm renting space to a bug shield manufacturer. These are the old style "actually-work" type of bug shields.

9:18 AM, October 02, 2006  
Blogger IrishWalsh said...

Things hanging from the mirror....

Man that for some reason annoys the hell out of me. I mean something small and modest or classic like dice is fine but some people go overboard. If I could rationalize just what it is that irks me so much about the Mardi Gras beads hanging en masse from mirrors I would blog on it. But, I cannot. It just pisses me off. It probably goes in line with my hatred of trends and those who follow them.

1:34 PM, October 02, 2006  
Blogger Jordan said...

Yeah, I have dice in my PT Cruiser so I guess I am sort of a hypocrite, but I like to think they fit the style of the car.

Mardi Gras beads or Leis...? Not so much.

3:42 PM, October 02, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You forgot the best of all: The POSER
King Ranch Version F-Series
"W '04" Sticker in the back window
Spotlessly clean (done weekly at local detail shop)
Class III trailer hitch, with chrome Hawkeye-logo in receiver
This breed is most frequently seen in N. Johnson Co., near Solon or N. Liberty.
ALWAYS driven by a short guy...ALWAYS!

5:40 PM, October 04, 2006  
Blogger bgunzy said...

Anonymous 5:40, sounds a little like the Cowboy Wannabe, but with a certain Eastern Iowa flair.

Horse people are another creation...they'll let their kids starve and go without shoes before they'll get rid of those living glue containers that get ridden twice a year.

And horse people NEVER have any money to pay their bill at the time..."uh, I'll pay you next week when I get my paycheck." Yeah right, you'd stop living check to check if you got rid of that expensive hobby.

9:58 PM, October 04, 2006  
Blogger Jordan said...

"Uh,I'll pay you next week..."

You a bank now Bgunzy?

6:59 AM, October 05, 2006  
Blogger Jordan said...

"Uh,I'll pay you next week..."

You a bank now Bgunzy?

6:59 AM, October 05, 2006  
Blogger bgunzy said...

At times it seems like it. In my farm supply business, extending credit to people is not uncommon (although there are some I WILL NOT give to). Therefore, I'll have some accounts open for a couple of months. Nothing big, but then again, it does add up.

Would it be possible to open a line of credit at your business, Jordan?

7:42 PM, October 06, 2006  

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